The Dark side

There is a side of me that I don't like people to see. Well let's face it we all have "traits" that we would rather the world did not know about and things we would rather not share. Lord knows I've got my share.
I recently had a visit from that wonderful person know as "Anger". He's a mean ugly SOB. He don't care what he does or who he hurts. My anger side is down right scary. I don't like him at all and try not to let him out but every so often he manages to get out. Well he did and I don't like it. I hurt and scared people that I care about.
What I want to know is why is he there? Why do we need anger? What possible good can come from feeling and acting that way?
I know why he comes out. There comes a time when life just overwhelms you but there must be another way  to direct that energy then by turning into a raging monster.
What do you do when you can't walk away ? Out he comes and all hell breaks loose. And now you have the      wonder feeling of guilt and sorrow. How do you make up for being a total AHOLE? Sorry just don't seem to be enough.

What if's........

Do you ever get the what if's. I don't know what to make of the what if's. What if I had done this or that. What if I "do" this or that. So many unanswered questions. Which of course lead to the "why's". I at 50 yrs old can not for the life of me figure out what it's all about. The almighty dollar ? We spend the better part of our lives making money for someone else. You work a job. Your making money for the owners and the "board members" and who ever else has their hands in the til. If you work for yourself your still giving that money away to someone else. Its impossible in this day and age for the average Joe to keep a roof over his or her head, food on the table and cloths on their backs. So this is life and living ? I don't think so. At least not in my book.
Then lets add a little religion to the mix. According to most "religions" we live or exist to walk the path of a higher being. Yet they take money in the name of  "God". They have and still do wage wars in the name of their "Gods". The clergy get tax breaks. Um excuse me but should we lead by example. They should learn to be humble before their lord and live as the meek do. They are no different then us. Live like us.
And what's with these oil companies. Billion dollar profits per quarter and their charging 4 dollars at the pump. What is wrong with this picture.
Our government officials sit on there asses getting fatter while the rest of us have got to scrape the bottom of the garbage can in hopes of some thing to eat. Lets see them live off 27k, 28k a year.What is this world coming to that we can't even take care of each other.
So what if........
Why?..............
What's it all for? What's the point? What's the meaning?

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT ?

Simple Life / I just want to live

 Why is it that because I choose a simple way of life can I not have the simple things in life. I do an honest days work. I take home an honest days pay. Why can't I just have a house to live in and be able to take care of my family.
 I'm not asking that much. I'm trying. How can I be expected to fulfill my obligations if large company's will not take the money I am giving them. Yes I got behind but I'm trying to give them the money but they keep sending it back. What the hell my moneys not good enough.
 And how many people got shafted into adding on to your home load THEN getting the adjustment through the government. Oh ya smooth move big bank. Now I've got two loans through the same people under different names don't sound right to me.
 How about health care ? Ya right I'm going to take care of myself and my wife with health care costs. I'm not asking for any that isn't suppose to be a part of living and surviving in today's world.
 You big company's, the government, all you who feed off people like me who just want to live. We need jobs, we need affordable health care, we need to be able to get to where we want to go, heat our home, feed our families.
 I don't need a fancy vehicle, just one I can afford and will get me where in need to go. My own roof over my head. I work for a living I should be allowed should I choose to take care of my own place. I don't mind paying someone for helping me get that home but except my money. Acknowledge that I too work for a living. That I am somebody. That we of the simple life are worthy to be alive.
 I think its time for the world as a whole to take a look at itself. I think the people that we have picked to represent us, big business, government, we our selves, need to step up to the plate and do what truly needs to be done.
 Throwing around money is not the answer. Help the people live. Take your big business money and your influence and your power and truly do your jobs and help the people. Help those who make it possible for you to live the way you do.
 I don't want it. I don't need it. I just want to live.

The Good Life

The Good Life

Are you a good person? Did you live a good life? Did you do all that you wanted to do? Where you able to do all that you wanted to do? Could you do all that you wanted to do? Should you have done all the things that you did? What is a good life? In who’s opinion is it or was it a good life? Would you do it again? Would you do it the same? If you knew then what you know now would you have done things differently? Do you have regrets? If you have regrets was it then indeed a "good life"?



Are you happy with where you are today? Do you like were things are going? Are there things that you would like to change or wish you could change?



What is a good life? Is your life a good life?



I think life is good. I don't know that I have lived a good life. There are things I've done that I shouldn't have. There are things I've done that I probably shouldn't have. There are things I probably should have done and things that I know I should have done.



Things.



Good things, bad things, dreams. Things I wish I done. Things I will do. Things I will never do. Things that will just never be or were never meant to be.



Things.



I think I have a “good life”. I have a job, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, a wonderful wife, great friends and family. I live in what I consider to be one of the most beautiful parts of the United States.



I don’t drive a fancy car or own a fancy truck but they get me where I’m going and do the jobs I need them to do.



I don’t live in a fancy house but it keeps me warm and keeps the weather off me and it’s the house that I have always wanted to live in.



I don’t have a lot of money but I try and do an honest day’s work for what I do have and it helps pay the bills. Would I like to make more, Sure who wouldn’t?



But in the end do any of these “things” make a difference? If I die tomorrow or the world comes to an end will it matter? I think not.



Things.



Did I have a “good life”?



Did I “live” a “good life”?



I would have to say not entirely. There are certainly things. “Bad” “Things” that I have done that I am not proud of, there are things I never should have done. There are bad things that happen to you or around you. There are many, many things I know I should have done. There are many, many things that I wish I had done.



Auto accidents, the death of loved ones, not going to collage. Those chances that I missed. The times I didn’t do what you knew was right. Those times I did things you knew were wrong but did them anyway.



Did I live a good life?



There were many, many good memories and good times. “Good” “things”. Those things I will always remember. Those things that I am proud that you did. There are things that I am glad I did and the things I had the opportunity to do.



Trips across the country, summers in Maine, camping, fishing, visiting family and friends. Loved ones, being loved by others, loving others back, first love, and first kiss. The love of a good woman. The love of my children, Children to love, the love of my friends, Friends to love. Teaching Sunday school.



Did I live a “good life”?



Do I have “regrets”?



I do not regret. If I had not done the things I’ve done I would not be the man I am today and I don’t think I am all that bad a dude. Regret is like a heavy weight. It will drag you down and make you miserable. It is like hate it is a waste of energy. What has happened has happened and you can’t change that. All you can do is learn from your mistakes. Change the things you can. Except the things you can’t and live your life to the best of your ability. Try and make yourself a better person and the world a better place to be.



Do I have regrets?



No but I am sorry. I am sorry for the people I hurt. Friends, family, the people I know, and the people I knew. I’m sorry for the things I’ve done and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for the things I should have done but didn’t. I’m sorry for the things I could have.



We all have “ghosts”. Things in our past that we wish we had done or wish we hadn’t done. Things we should have done, could have done, wish we had done. Those things that we wanted to do but didn’t or sometimes just couldn’t.



Nobody is perfect and I don’t know if there is such a thing as a “perfect” life. From sinner to saint we all have something there. Something that we wish was different. But we must come to terms with what the powers that be have given us and what we have chosen to do with it and what we will do with it.



Do I have “regrets”?



Do I have a good life? Yes. I have a roof over my head, food in me belly and the love of a good woman, family and friends.



Did I “Live” a good life? Not entirely. But the past is just that. Past. There is nothing that you can do about it. The best you can do is learn and keep moving on. Do better and try harder and leave this place a better place. Cherish the time we are given, the people we have, the life we live. The gifts around us that we are given each day.



Do I regret? No. But I am sorry.



Did I live a good life?



The Good Life.



Judge not others least ye be judged yourself.

Famous (and not so famous) quotes and last words.

Accept that you can only find peace when you learn to                                       love yourself.

On the Pond

I went fishing last night, well evening and night, and had the most wonderful experience. The pond was calm and smooth. A peaceful calm came over the water as night fell. There was a loon calling its haunting Melody echoing across the water. There were crickets singing and peepers calling. A gentle breeze as the boat drifted across the water.
It was wonderfully tranquil and peaceful. Most relaxing feeling. It gave me great peace of mind and gladdened my heart and seemed to wash away the cares of the world.
Would it not be wonderful to keep and share that peace and tranquility all the time. How much better the world would be and how much better we all would feel.
It is sad to think that as we chase the almighty dollar and the material things that we think we need we forget to appreciate the things we have and the miracle of the world around us.
Its a world of got to have. Got to have the fancy car. Got to have the fancy house. Cell phones, plasma TV, Blue ray player, 1000 watt surround sound home theater. Power boats and ATVs. When do you have enough. What is enough.
I have a home, a loving wife. I have a job and food to eat. I have friends and family to stand by.
I look out into my back yard. I see the blue sky, the bird that come to eat from the feeders. The squirrels and chipmunks that come to play. The flowers,  the trees. Quite times on the pond and fresh air to breath. What more could anyone want.
Look around you. See what you have. Be at peace with yourself and with others. Its not what you have or don't have that makes you who you are but what you do and how you live that leaves your mark upon this world.
Don't waste your time going for things, waste your time living.

Blog

Blog. Interesting word “Blog”. Well I guess this is my blog and welcome to it.
Blog. Twenty years ago if you had asked someone what a blog was they would have looked at you like you were from outer space. Then along came the world of cyber and low and behold there were blogs.
Blogs. I guess they are the worlds answer to advice columns and shrinks. It’s a way for people to speak out to the world. Let them know who they are how they feel, what they see, taste, hear, smell, touch. Communicate with other people. Maybe find people like themselves. Something to share, leave behind, let the world know that they were here and are here.
I first heard about blogs a quit some time ago. Maybe less. At first they didn’t interest me much. Sounded like a lot of nothing.
Talk, chatter, maybe a way to meet people. Then I got thinking about it.
About four years ago I thought I would write a book. “Ponderings of a mad man”, or “Your just jealous cause the voices are talking to me”, and it occurred to me, one night, that because these were just the ravings of a mad man and tended to float from one thing to another that the best way to get these thought to the world would be to take advantage of these “Blogs” and start putting my words and thoughts out there for the world to see.
I wanted to share my madness and see weather or not there were others out there like myself.